My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
