bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
