I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
