We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
