I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
