I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
