She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
