dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just forgot I was standing up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
