Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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