Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
