Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
