we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I smell stomach acid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
