shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
