I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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