Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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