Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
