new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
