I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize