SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
