party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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