he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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