thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
