Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
