Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
