Soap is not a condiment
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
