Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize