Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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