im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
