I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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