I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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