I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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