i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
