WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
