then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
