listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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