we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
