Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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