I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
