it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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