The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
