Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
