i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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