I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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