we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
