your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
