I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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