i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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