walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
