it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
