none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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