Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
