"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
