I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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