i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
