omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
