We won't sleep together?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
