OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
