Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
