She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
