Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
These tits shall not be calmed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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