when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
