I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
