tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
