Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize