Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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