If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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