The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
