Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize