dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
