Will you blow on my dice?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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