she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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