Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
