I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
